I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
