Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
