i don't like sucking hair
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize