I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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