he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
