I can text with my tongue
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
