As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
