So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
