So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize