just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
