i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
