I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
