last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
