I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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