never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
