Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize