So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
