giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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