these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize