I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
