That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
