youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
