the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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