u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
