In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
