What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You've changed since you got that strap on
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
