Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
