Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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