Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
