He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
