btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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