I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
