That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
