My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
