ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
