Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize