We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
