I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Even my vagina gasped.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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