I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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