Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
