get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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