if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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