I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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