I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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