he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
