Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
