I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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