I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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