Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I met the friendliest cop last night
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
