i think i have herpe
just one?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
