Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
