I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
