Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
