why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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