I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
