I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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