I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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