I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
