i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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