i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
sarcasm needs its own font
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
