she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
