Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
