mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
