I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
